Archive | June 2016

June 12, 2016

I didn’t expect to get any response at all on previous blog posts, so first, thank you. It brightened my day after it had registered that the likes were on my blog. I couldn’t believe it at first though.

So last night I had thought that today was Father’s Day. So I made a plan, posted the plan on Facebook (Husband doesn’t use Facebook) and went to bed. I got up, and to be honest I wasn’t feeling too good (I had missed a dose of my medication and it made my body feel exhausted). I got up and took off for the store to get his breakfast, dinner, and Father’s Day gifts. Came back home, prepared the breakfast, and called my mom for some tips. At the end of the call, I told her to tell Jeff (Her boyfriend) Happy Father’s Day… and she said “Sweetie… Father’s Day is next weekend..” So I hung up as quick as I could, and as politely, and ran to the office to Ray, who confirmed it. Boy, did I feel stupid.

That’s one of those moments where I blame mommy brain. With the lack of sleep, and lack of energy, it’s possible I skipped a week, mentally.

So I asked Ray to help me finish breakfast, and to be honest, I don’t feel like the Johnson ground sausage is the right sausage to use for biscuits and gravy. There’s another that comes in a tube, and it’s flavor is much better for sausage gravy. I vlogged a little today, but I haven’t yet posted it. I did schedule one for tomorrow, so that’ll be up. It’s an older vlog, but the break was much needed. Now I’m getting back into vlogging and I am almost ready for the daily vlogs. It’s a work in progress, but I’m definitely getting closer. I just need some tips for the Canon G7X.

Now I’m procrastinating. I have a final due in my class, and it’s an online final. I’m not looking forward to it because of how many questions are on it, but I’ll do it. I want the outcome of doing these classes. So I need to work on it. I’m going to end this blog and I’ll enter again soon.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

June 9, 2008

I’d thought long and hard about whether or not I want to get into all of this, however I feel like writing about it… like I do every year. June 9, 2008 was the worst day of my life. I went through so much.

I woke up to discover that my 1 month old little newborn had passed away during the night. He was gone. Just like that. I went to bed expecting the day to be like others. Me taking care of Kalyb, Mason going to Day care, Ray going to work, and me playing video games and cleaning whenever I got the chance. However the day wasn’t like that at all.

Instead it was full of grief, pain, questions, police cars, ambulances, and accusations. The day was awful. I’d lost my older son, Mason too. DCF was called and they took Mason from me due to the unknown reason our newborn passed. By the time the autopsy was done, we’d already had a case plan. So we couldn’t turn back so we had to go through a bunch of hoops to get Mason back.

It was a very hard road. I couldn’t help but wonder if there were any signs I missed, or anything I could’ve done instead. Sometimes SIDS doesn’t give you a choice. Sometimes SIDS just happens… that’s the reason the first S stands for SUDDEN! It didn’t stop the accusations however. I lost friends, and my in-laws blamed me. They still do. However there’s nothing I could do or can do about it. Their opinions are just that.

Life goes on. ‘It’ll get better in time!’ ‘The pain won’t last!’ ‘It’ll shrink in size!’ Yet I’m still waiting. It still feels as strong and flooring as when it all happened years ago. The pain still hurts. The holidays break my heart. All the presents he can’t smile for… all of the candy he can’t eat on Halloween… all of the family he never got to meet… all of the Christmas Celebrations he can’t enjoy… I just don’t understand how to recover from this. I just want him here with me today…