Have you ever felt like you needed to put up a wall? Not a real one, but like an emotional one. One meant to protect yourself from others, or others from you. What happens if someone pushes that wall? Is it secure enough to handle it? Is it strong enough to be unmovable?
What if you agree to moving the wall, only to find that you’re uncomfortable. Do you avoid it? Do you do it anyway? Where do you draw the alarms? Where do you need support or how do you change your mind?
I’m faced with a task that I don’t think I can handle. I don’t think I’m able, or ready. I don’t think I can. I feel like I have no choice, but inside I’m screaming for a way out of it. I hate this fear. I have no idea what to do so I feel like I’m frozen in place. I need to keep buying time. I need to try and put it off. I don’t want to face it, but I know it’s either face it or not. I have no idea what my next step is.
A part of me thinks I need to tear down this wall and face the next task. Why am I holding back so much?
I’m changing how I label my blog posts, so no more dates. The dates kind of already exist on each post. On to the blog!
I’m actually really excited. Ray and I have finally managed our Finances to the point where we could build me a new computer. Everyone I game with knows I need it. I have an Alienware M17x (2011) and I actually got Caps from Blizzard when I sent my laptop specs, and they said:
“Your wireless Network adapter is 5 YEARS OUT OF DATE!!!”
Haha. It’s a bad day when even big gaming companies are telling you you’re wrong. In my defense, I had just reloaded windows and everything on my laptop and I wasn’t finished installing and updating all of the drivers.
Anyway, I meant to build a new computer back in April, but it didn’t happen. Now we can build it, and it cost less than a pre-built gaming tower would cost. So I’m really excited for this new computer. I have one monitor so I will eventually need to look for a new one, especially since the colors on mine are off, and the monitor is probably older than my Alienware. I’d assume it’s about, 7 years old? I can use my keyboard and mouse, so I don’t need to worry about that either. I’m so excited, I just can’t express it enough.
I am working really hard on my vlogging channel on YouTube. I’ve actually seen an increase in subscribers which makes me pretty excited. I’d be shocked if I made it to just 200! Anything beyond that is just crazy.
I don’t want to make this blog post too long, so I’m going to end it here. I may post again today, I might not. Have a good one guys!