Baby Blankets

I don’t know if I’ve shared this, but my soul-sister is pregnant with her 3rd baby. She’s been really down on her luck lately and is struggling. I won’t overshare on her behalf, but I felt it would be pertinent info.

Because she’s been down on her luck, her pregnancy is the biggest light in her doom-and-gloom recent events. As such, I’ve been putting together an awesome gift for her. A diaper bag of new baby girl goodies!

One of the things I’ve been able to get my hands on, was a customizable baby blanket! Now, it wouldn’t be my first choice, but for the cost and shipping I couldn’t be bothered to look elsewhere. Not to mention, my sister is due in just 3 weeks!

Turns out, the blanket is a bit better than I’d thought. The quality isn’t too bad, but I was able to put my niece’s name on it! I’m sharing the link so you can check it out for yourself. I think it’s really great and I know my sister will love it!

https://www.giveawayservice.com/p/u6d2c2r6/r3l8s8r7f5

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Not What I Expected

Today wasn’t at all what I expected. The original plan was to have some friends over, while I wait on my dad to get here. I thought he was 6 hours away, no. It’s 11 hours away. So he’ll be driving ALL day tomorrow (probably) and won’t be here until tomorrow night. So I had my friends over still.

Some of my friends were really late and didn’t stay long. It sucked, but it’s a school night and it’s not our usual plan. Tonights spread seemed to be more successful, though. Everyone went to town on the tacos I made, and most of the snack platter. Even some waters!

Lily is potty training now. I thought it would be easy but not as easy as I thought. She had about 3-4 accidents today alone. Not fun! She’s improving, though. Mason & Aidan are doing pretty good. Mason’s grade in reading has improved! From an F to a C. Aidan is struggling in the same areas, but he’s improving.

Aidan got bullied last week on the bus (some kids were calling him explicit names, sticking up the bad finger, and trying to steal his shoes off his feet), so I made a phone call to the school and left a message for the Assistant Principal. She got back to me the next morning and got all of my information. She also spoke with Mason and the kids responsible. The kids apologized to Aidan and have been leaving him alone. This was Aidan’s first real bullying. Mason has had a couple of encounters in the past, but a call to the school resolved the issue.

Anywho, now it’s Monday morning, and while I should be going to bed, I’m instead working on some stuff in the office. I have a lot to do and a lot to prepare for, and about 3 weeks to do it all. Which given the amount of stuff I have left to do, isn’t much time.

Bittersweet Memories

There comes a point when everything must either end or begin. Like meeting a friend, graduating high school, finishing your driving test; it can be anything.

Sometimes a goodbye is forever, and other times it’s not. For me, this isn’t forever. This isn’t even until I die or anything. This goodbye is simply goodbye for now, and I’ll see you again soon.

I’ve been here in Colorado Springs since February 4th and while the hello was a long time coming, and pretty amazing… the goodbye is bittersweet. I don’t really want to leave Colorado Springs, but at the same time, I really miss my boys. I really miss my life in Virginia too. I know I’ll move out here someday, but I can’t wait for that. For now, I’m going to pack up my bags, hug my best friend/sister goodbye, and I’ll head back to Virginia to my boys.

Liliana has been such a dream during our adventure out here, and I couldn’t have it any other way. She really is such an angel. I didn’t really have the mental capacity to compose myself enough to pull out my camera and vlog more. This daily vlogging deal that I want to start is a bit harder than I thought. Some people don’t want to be recorded, some locations don’t allow it (like stores oddly enough) and sometimes I just space. So it’s something I’m trying to come to terms with to handle better. Maybe I will, maybe not.

My time out here has been pretty incredible. I may not have gotten to see all of the things I wanted to see, but I know I’ll come out again. However, it doesn’t seem soon enough. The mountains are beautiful, and I won’t ever forget the view as I approached the Garden of the Gods. The mountains in the distance were like something you think you will never see in life. Like a 3D card, or a background wallpaper. It was beautiful and literally breathtaking.

Tami tells me it never gets old. I’m hoping that’s true because I need something like that. The view alone calms and relaxes me.

Well, until next time.

Cancer Really Sucks

I’ve always known this about Cancer, and I’ve always dreaded the possibility of getting it or anyone else I know getting it. Hell, anyone getting it at all. It’s so scary.

Now I’ve had Pre-Cancer, so I know the demon is in my body. I actually have Pre-Cancer now. It’s come back after having it removed. Now mine is Pre-Cancerous, but this doesn’t make it any less scary. When that big “C” word comes into play you never know the possibility of its’ evilness. Now you can say cancer isn’t evil, but it is. It so is. It doesn’t matter if it happens to you, me, or our family. Even our enemies (Let’s face it, we all have one). Cancer is evil.

The scary thing is, I know that everything causes cancer nowadays. I was initially diagnosed in 2008, after my son Kalyb had passed away. It scared me so much that I ran away from the problem. I took only 1 Gardasil shot, and I’m regretting now that I didn’t finish it. In 2010, I was informed it was worse. Yet I ran away again. I kept running from it until 2013. I finally grew a pair and went off to get the colposcopy (the whole reason I was ignoring it was fear of the colposcopy) and it had gotten worse still. I ignored it until it was stage 4 pre-cancerous. Finally, I managed to get it removed, and it was fine. Until I got a phone call that it had indeed come back. Yet again, I went off and got the colposcopy instead of waiting. Past experience told me that waiting wasn’t an option. Well, they called to tell me it was only CIN-1 I think? Yeah. Anyway, I was told that it should go away on its own. Do I believe that? Not this time. Last time I was referred to the colposcopy and ran away so I don’t know what it was when I first was diagnosed with it. Now I know, or at least I’ve heard, that once cancer is in your system, your system becomes fair game. It’s always there. Lurking; Hiding. Eventually rearing it’s ugly head again. I believe this will develop to CIN-2 or CIN-3 before my scheduled colposcopy next year.

Anyway, the point of this article is how much I hate cancer. First, you should know that I don’t hate anyone or anything easily. I only can truly say I hate one person. Only one. So when I say I hate cancer, I really mean it.

When I was left for dead in 2012 (and I do say left for dead seriously), I had family that stood up to help me. I had a baby and her father up and left me and her high and dry. My mother bought stuff for the baby at the last minute and brought us both home. When I was able, I used a computer to reach out to, really anyone. I wasn’t expecting my cousin to be one of those people I’d reached out to. However, I found her really comforting. My two best friends and sisters were too, but my cousin was the unexpected force I had no idea I even needed.

She messaged me, commented on my stuff, and really brought the positivity and light into my life that I so desperately needed. At the time I didn’t know what I was going to do. My life was (for the dramatic) over. She gave me encouragement, enlightenment, love, kindness, patience, and understanding. I bonded with her in that time, and even though our conversations grew few and farther in between, I held that connection as hard as I could. I turned to her for advice and help as I needed it because her guidance was really helpful. It took me a while to grow into my new existence, but she made it easier. She made it possible. She gave me strength to do it.

Now, I hate the “C” word, because it has attacked my cousin. That’s right. I said attacked. She got breast cancer, went through with the treatments and for a little while, everything was okay. For a little while, she was getting better. Then, as if it was hiding and waiting, it came back. It had spread through her body in the time she was recovering. When she thought she had won, it was silently dominating. Now I hate explaining it this way but I really feel like cancer is the devil’s venom. I’m not a religious person, but I know my cousin is. For her, I’ll try to relate as best as I can. My cousin has touched so many lives. She lives in a positive light. Always encouraging, helping and loving others. She doesn’t put a single bit of bad karma in the world.

That’s the thing. The thing that brings the age old question, “Why do bad things always happen to good people?” And the answer is…. I don’t know. I found a quote that I believe sums up what I believe.

 

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

-Elizabeth Kubler Ros

My cousin is such a beautiful person. Her soul is that of an angel. This is my opinion, of course. She doesn’t deserve for this venom to invade her vessel. Not in her soul. Not in her bones, or her skin, or her blood. She doesn’t deserve this venom. Why is it that the best people are always the ones who suffer?

She is the reason I am who I am. Well, most of the reason why I changed from who I used to be. Her love, patience, understanding, compassion, kindness, and heart are all influences in my life. In who I’ve become. I won’t lie, until I fell on my butt, I didn’t give much family stuff a second thought. It was what it was and I used to be okay with that. Until I fell on my butt and it was family, who helped me. She was, and is, so enlightening and so enriching to me. I changed some characteristics because I wanted to make her proud. I wanted to make her feel her own light. She is such a positive influence on my life that her sudden news is devastatingly scary for me. I don’t want to mourn. I don’t want her to go. I don’t want to lose her.

I truly hope that each of you reading this understands and has this wonderful light in their life. Someone who lifts you up and expects nothing in return but the appreciation of their advice. My cousin is a wonderful woman and she doesn’t deserve this. She has stage-4 breast cancer. This is the stage where it has metastasized into other parts of her body. It’s in her bones.

“My husband and I were in shock,” said Pollastro of her mets diagnosis. “You don’t go from being cured to stage 4.”

I found an article to help me with this blog post. That one sentence there describes the shock I can only imagine my sweet cousin must have felt.

I’ve cried for her. For me. For her family. For fear. I’ve cried out of anger about this venom. I’ve cried out of pure pain for her. She means that much to me, and this venom is invading her vessel. This venom is hurting a light.

My sweet cousin, you don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve this venom in your bones. You don’t deserve this pain and this awfulness. You deserve the world. A full life.  You deserve the life you’ve worked so hard to build. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this anger, and this “you don’t deserve this”, but it’s all true. I don’t want you to deal with this. I don’t want to handle this. I want it to stop and go away. I want you to recover and get better. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. To your family. This is such an act of cruelty that even I can’t comprehend as to why you have to go through this.

A New Journey

I haven’t posted this on YouTube yet, so for those of you who follow me on here and over there, here’s a little bit of a Sneak Peek if you will.

Today I had my first Team Meeting in Realty. I’ve been selected to become part of a Team of a Realty Company and I couldn’t be happier. For the longest time, I’ve avoided this whole idea, but I’ve finally been inspired into starting and I really couldn’t be happier that I did. I am already loving it and I’m all too eager to begin. It’s hard to believe that this opportunity opened within a month of the decision to pursue it. I am looking forward to learning the ropes and being the best version of myself, with an amazing career!

My kids are happy for me too. I believe that everyone I’ve told about it is Genuinely happy about it for me. This is something I really need to vlog and put up because this is worth remembering!

Can’t Stop Thinking…

I’m laying in bed and it’s about 5am now. I’ve been up and laying in bed for a while. Things are pretty good in my life right now. And when I say pretty good. I really do mean it. 

I’ve been tired today. It doesn’t help that I took my sleep-aids a bit early. However I’ve had minimal sleep before and functioned fine. Now as I’m getting older I don’t bounce back from losing sleep like I used to. 

I’m laying here wondering how tomorrow is going to go. I’m babysitting a friends Little’s tomorrow so she can go on a date night with her husband. I’m looking forward to it but I’m dreading it too. Mainly because I’ve been feeling unmotivated recently. Partly because it’s Sunday. I know! Haha!

Anyway so as I was saying. I just can’t sleep. That and I have WordPress on my iPhone now so I can blog whenever I feel inspired. 

I’m going to try and sleep now. Love you all. 

Stress

If I said the last 24 hours were like any other day I’d be lying. Usually, when stress enters my life, it’s for more than a few hours or a single situation. It’s always one thing, leading up to another thing. Let me tell you some information about why the last 24 hours has been full of chaos.

Monday night I only got 3 hours of sleep total. This wouldn’t be so bad, except Tuesday I had to get up to take my dog to the mobile PETA clinic to get her spayed. I also had to stay up because I had to pick her back up around 12:30. Not doing so would result in her being ‘abandoned’ and I’d lose her. She spent the entire evening whimpering and being too drugged to fend for herself.

Then the power went out.

Then we found out my dad got hospitalized due to pancreatitis. This lead to him being kept overnight, which evolved into a few days. One step at a time.

Then today we had an appointment for Liliana to get her tumor checked out.

After that, my friends came home from Mississippi to discover their cat had died due to a fall. The poor thing.

In my life, the first thing you’ll learn is that when stress starts, it avalanches until it’s entirely all in pieces on the floor. I’m left buried, and my family is left wondering if I’m alive and well.

I’ll be okay and all of this will blow over. I really don’t like when stress things start. It always feels like it never ends and I tend to come out of it with a few less friends than before.